-B- Still

I struggle with boundaries.  It is so obvious that I struggle that I have had people that I barely know give me books on how to establish boundaries with others.  I don't only struggle with setting boundaries, but I also struggle with the desire to have them in the first place. 

I LOVE doing things for others.  It makes me genuinely happy to make others happy and to help them in any way I can.  I strive every day to live a life of love.  Genuinely make all of my decisions with love being the determining factor on how I choose act or react to others around me. 

Sometimes, in fact often, this gets me in trouble.  This weekend was a particularly busy one at my house.  It was one of those few times that I might need others to return the  favors that I pass out on a regular basis.  The problem is that I will never ask for the help.  I would never even think of asking anyone to do something solely to help me.  Unfortunately, what happens in return is that I take on way too much and I end up having a major meltdown.   

This subject is hard for me.  Of course I don't ever like it when it gets to the point of me reaching my limit and being overwhelmed and anxious and scatter brained.  I wish I could always be gracefully stressed.  I wish I was one of those women who was able to put her smile on and act as if it were all a piece of cake.  I'm just not there yet in my journey. 

We had a weekend that was packed minute to minute.  Juggling the three kids, recitals, birthday parties that we were hosting, baseball parties we were hosting, and family in town for all of it was a lot.  In addition to this, I ended up unknowingly being the go to girl for anyone else who needed a babysitter for their kids this weekend.  So, on top of my plate of parties to throw and places to be, I was suddenly responsible for other people's kids and the coordination that all of that entails. 

People tell me I need to learn to say no.  This weekend I did say no.  No one listened!  I'm not sure what the solution is. 

I want to be someone who loves someone even when they are unlovable.  I want to treat them with respect and kindness even when they aren't "deserving" of it.  Until I walk in people's shoes through every situation, I don't feel equipped to make judgements about how people act or behave.  This can be a huge challenge. Especially when you feel that the said people are taking advantage of you.  

Its times like this when I just sit back and BE STILL!  I know that I feel called by God to be someone who loves others around me no matter what.  I know that I want to be someone who doesn't judge or react with anger.  I want to be kind no matter what obstacles are put in my way.  I want to live that life of love that I dream about.  That is all I know.

Sitting back and being still despite all the chaos and triggers going on around me that trigger my human response to negative things is very freeing and peaceful.  I have a choice.  I can either get all worked up about how others treat me and how they might be hurting me, or I can stay focused in what I stand for and just take the pressure gracefully.  I can love them even when they aren't acting in a way "deserving" of love.  That is certainly what I would like others to do for me. 

It is when I am STILL that I really learn something worth learning.  It is in this stillness that I become who I want to become.  I use that opportunity to filter through all the junk and hone in on what I am really all about and about what reaction is really in line with my value system.  By doing this, I take back my ability to control the outcome for myself.  When I am still and intentionally loving, I am the one in control over how I feel regardless of the choices or actions of others.  This is where I am comfortable.

 Having said that, I would encourage everyone out there to just take a breath.  When life is thrown at you at 100 miles per hour.  Just breath and BE STILL.  God will take care of the rest. 

Always,
-B-

-B- Brave!

I've thought for years about how fun it would be to combine my love of writing and my experiences into something that might inspire other Women.  My dream job would be to be an Editor of a home magazine of some sort.  I dream about one day owning my own magazine with this -B- theme.  In the meantime, I figured I could start small with this blog and see how it is accepted.  Every day I'll have a new -B-.........!  It is all in efforts to learn more about myself and push myself to reflect on the lessons I learn each day and the experiences I have. 

You can -B- anything in the world that you want to be!  For me, the biggest stronghold I have that keeps me from persuing the things I love is fear.  I'm afraid that if I'm not perfect at it  (whatever "it" may be),  then I'll dissappoint someone or I'll have to face my own personal weaknesses.  That's scary stuff for me, so I combat that by just being afraid. 

Recently, I quit my Medical Marketing job and I'm now staying at home holding down the fort while my Husband travels like a mad man.  My 3 kids are barely school age and are very close together in age.  I have a set of Twins that are finishing Kindergarten in a few weeks, and a Daughter that is finishing up Pre-K in a few weeks. 

So, forseeing the future, I imagined my full time work life with the added pressure of getting three kids to learn to read and running around failing miserably every step of the way like I have been for the past year that I've been working.  I decided to quit and take at least the Summer off of all responsibilies (besides Kids), and spend the time enjoying my babies and rediscovering who I am and what matters to me. 

So far 2 weeks into staying at home, I'm loving it.  I've been doing tons of projects around the house and I can't wait to blog about them.  So, stay tuned for inspiration and enjoy watching me -B-ecome whoever it is that God intended for me to be.  I'm terrified, but today I'm focusing on -B-eing Brave! 




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